Story #2 about the Morocco Mall. Mary's edits follow.
Casablanca-Would you shop in a haunted mall? That is the question that Zoubida Choulli, a weekend mall goer at Casablanca’s new Morocco Mall, asked herself this Saturday. She is one of many who have heard the rumor that the mall is haunted by spirits. The mall is the first of its kind and the largest in Morocco, an ideal place for ghosts, but people from all walks of life agree, the mall is certainly not haunted and business is proving it.
Choulli, a thirty two year old mother, takes her children to the mall on special occasions. She says that the decision to visit Morocco Mall was an easy one. “I don’t believe in ghosts,” she says, “Everyone knows it’s a rumor, but no one knows who started it. Perhaps someone made it up because there is a mausoleum nearby.” Everyone believes there is a different justification for the rumor. Morocco’s monthly paper,Telquel, was the first to assert the presence of ghosts in the mall, citing the reports of several anonymous people who had claimed they had seen the phantoms. Rashid, a security guard at the mall, says that many Moroccan journalists felt slighted when they were not invited to the inauguration party on December second. It was a grand affair attended by Morocco’s royalty and headlined by Jennifer Lopez. As a means of retaliation, the journalists wrote that the mall was haunted. Zineb Beniassa and her coworker, Saida, young salesgirls at the Galleries Lafayette, laugh about the ghosts and have other theories about where the rumor began. Saida says, “it could have been jealous people living in other cities. Casablanca gets the mall because it’s not the capital, but most people work here and the most tourists visit here.” Beniassa interjects saying, “it could have been someone in the mall, for public relations.”
There is certainly no need of any advertisement, though. The mall is so grand and luxurious that some visitors just come for the entertainment that its musical fountain, aquarium, amusement park, and other attractions provide. The modern building is always packed with visitors, particularly on the weekends. Beniassa and her friend say that three times the number of visitors come on the weekends than during the week and there are even more visitors on holidays. Saida points out “the mall has brands that people used to go to France to find. Now people come from all over to visit us. The only ghosts…FNAC made a surveillance video of the mall and at the end out jumps a ghost! It’s so funny!” Saida is in fits of laughter over technology store, FNAC’s, fake surveillance video. Soufiane Youssef, a salesman at FNAC, agrees with Zineb Beniassa and Saida’s theories and is proud to say that sales have clearly not been affected, “sales are booming! I’ve talked to everyone and no one believes in the phantoms. They come and they buy.” He feels that even in a tough time for the world economy, people visit and make purchases in the mall, unafraid of any ghosts.
Of course phantoms are not stopping those visiting and working in the mall, but a lot of people who have not visited or who do not work at the mall also believe the ghosts to be a rumor. Fatima Bouchtat, a fifty four year old grandmother in Rabat’s old medina, says, “I believe in phantoms! I know there are none in the new mall, though. My son’s cousin is a night guard there and he has never seen them. It was just a rumor. All of my friends, young and old, don’t believe it.” Thus it seems that the only spirits currently in the mall are those boosting Morocco’s economy-Veronica Jean Seltzer.
The biggest mall in Africa opened just two months ago south of Casablanca and some people think it's haunted. Morocco’s monthly paper, Telquel, was the first to assert the presence of ghosts in the mall, citing the reports of several anonymous people who claimed they saw phantoms. But, if jinns lurk inside the Morocco Mall, they aren't deterring visitors to the hundreds of luxury stores, IMAX movie theater, aquarium and musical fountain.
"Sales are booming," sasy Soufiane Youssef, a salesman at the technology store FNAC, "I’ve talked to everyone and no one believes in the phantoms. They come and they buy.”
Her rewrite gives the most important information first, followed by the most important quote. For the next graph Mary suggests looking up from our computers and asking our best friends or family what they need to know next. We tried doing this in class and it really works! Mary's rewrite of Jackie's piece on the mall aquarium, for example, made it clear that no one knows who feeds the fish. At the end of the rewrite I was asking what this lack of knowledge symbolizes. The story basically writes itself from there!
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